New Releases-Saturday May 11th 2019

[Merry Brooks]

Interesting thought, does it matter if each chapter is long?

Only when you get one chapter a week.  If the story is already completed, I don't mind short chapters if there's dozens of them to read.  A lot of the stories lately seem to be under 5k words and there's just no time to develop the characters or set up the scenes.  As a reader, I can't build a relationship with the characters or what's going on in the show.  What kind of story can you really tell in so short a time?

Personal taste, I'm sure, but if it's a one-shot story that'll only be one chapter --- 5k seems to be the lower end of the limit in terms of telling a tale with a little build up that sets the characters and tone.   If it's a story planned to many chapters, 5k/chapter seems to give enough meat to each installment so there's room for character development, story development and the sexy part.  Then the reader gets hung on the hook, desperate for next week's installment.

To give an example, I found Sammynona's "It Runs In The Family" quite by accident.  The first chapter was long enough that the characters were established and the hook was set.  Oddly, I don't normally go for FF stories, but something about that chapter caught my eye and I decided to read further.  At the time I found it, there were already a dozen or more chapters and the more I read the more I was invested in the story.  While each chapter had some heat, each was also long enough that there was real story development and not just an excuse to get to a sex scene.

One of the things I wish this site had was some kind of filter so I could only search for stories that are 8k or larger.  Here's a fan fiction site with that option and it's dreamy!  No need to worry about short stories cluttering up the search for something to read.... but I don't really care for most fan fiction.

You might want to cast your wrath down on me in that sense. At least a couple of the serials writers have cut back on the number of words they post in a week, due to the fact they know I've suffered several seizures recently, which means my reading speed has slowly down dramatically, so they're trying to help me out by cutting the length of their update each week.In truth, I suffered a couple more yesterday, and was in hospital again overnight, so unlikely to be any reviews up before tomorrow.

I dont if that is the case with many, but I do know of at least a couple, and it is much appreciated

[CuyahogaKingKong]

Following Her Dream comes to a conclusion in a most satisfying and adventurous way. I've always loved the characters in this story, and here they must grapple with the reality that all of them have changed, at least a little, since the start of the story. What a massive and sprawling adventure spawned by a single girl and her pretty screensaver!

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

eviltwinmordred's Paperback continues to dazzle with two hot narratives going on at the same time. In one, our brainwashed heroine is given some sexy tasks to do, while one of the puppet masters has her own strings pulled! In the other, we learn even more about our mysterious narrator, who has become quite the mind controller himself. I suppose it's good that so much of the mass-media MC we all consumed back in the day ended up being a disappointment; who knows what kind of masterminds we would have become had we found an exciting book like Stella Striker #23? 

No, no, it would have been worth it. I'd have killed for a book like that. And besides, the narrator seems like a happy, well-adjusted guy, doesn't he? 

In the Beginning is back with a new chapter, and our smart and plucky heroine learns some new things about herself. I like how the mind control here is ever-present but also quite subtle. Ahn's careful, cautious evaluation of the incredibly wild things taking place is a joy to read. Here's hoping that she gets to show those jerks back at the village a thing or two!

(more to come!)

You know I had a whole thing about Ahns family and neighbors.  But there is an outside chance I might visit that theme, I'll only observe that Ahn never refers to anyone she lived with or around by name.  They basically aren't real to her.  And this is totally for well thought out psychological reasons.  NOT because I can't be bothered to come up with proper names.  Not at all.

[Writer345]

I've suffered several seizures recently, which means my reading speed has slowly down dramatically, so they're trying to help me out by cutting the length of their update each week.In truth, I suffered a couple more yesterday, and was in hospital again overnight, so unlikely to be any reviews up before tomorrow.

Please take care, Merry, and look after yourself!

[fumanchu]

Yes, please take care of yourself, Merry.  You are one of the foundations of this community, more importantly, you are a great friend to so many of us.

[Shadra]

Tendrils is an interesting one, one of the best hypnosis-only stories I've read in a long time.  Chet is actually kind of an interesting character, in that he's a good example of a slight tone difference seperating "loveable loser and hot girlfriend have great sex after he tries hypnosis on her" from "sleazy douche exploits his girlfriend."

Gave this a shot as a result of this review. Chapter one was quite enjoyable, the induction and the triggers were especially great, made all the better that they were from the girl's perspective. After that chapter, though, I was a little worried that the story was just going to be "guy uses hypnosis to bang a girl," and nothing more, for three chapters. Happy to say it didn't end out that way.

Overall, fun little tale, with some imaginative scenes. Liked it enough to make me want to check out Thursby Manor, though it helps that a few certain people already gave it praise. =)

[Midori Konton]

Oh no, Merry! Please take care, and I hope you feel better.

I usually write short chapters because I have a full time job, two Patreons, and a girlfriend. I don’t have *time* to write more than a couple thousand words per story per month.

[CerebusOne]

Finally got a chance to read CuyahogaKingKongs In he Beginning.

Just such an unusual and terrific story. Not really like anything I have read on the site and that is rare. The world building is just amazing in breadth and scope and so realistic. You really believe in this time and place and people.

But it gets even better with the hero Ahn. This intelligent girl beset by unfortunate events and circumstance. We get to know her, inside and outside so well and it really is fascinating and at times heartbreaking.

And if your not rooting for Ahn in the strongest possible way you have no heart. She is just all that.

[Merry Brooks]

Until I finally get to see a Neurologist next month (health service here is free, but not quick, as original seizures were in March!) I dont really know what it is, but this re-occurrence is an unexpected pain after 2 seizure free months.

Just trying to survive as best I can at present

[CuyahogaKingKong]

Until I finally get to see a Neurologist next month (health service here is free, but not quick, as original seizures were in March!) I dont really know what it is, but this re-occurrence is an unexpected pain after 2 seizure free months.

Just trying to survive as best I can at present

For some perspective, here in Wisconsin my wait time for a neuropsychiatrist (different than neurologist, don't ask me how) for an evaluation was 18 months.  After that evaluation (which my new insurance company insisted on, I had already been diagnosed and treated for 10 years) I was unable to be treated effectively for my main ailment, solely because she tagged her report with the wrong code. All doctors involved agreed the tag contradicted the test results and made no sense but their hands were tied.

I can get a second opinion.  In another 12-18 months.  Praise the Invisible Hand of the Market, bringer of efficiency! 

Sorry to hear about your troubles though, I'm terrified by the thought that one day I'll have a similarly serious issue.  Sympathy and good wishes from internet randos isn't worth anything but you have mine.

[Merry Brooks]

Thanks regardless, hope you eventually get your matter sorted

Finally getting started

Hot Blood: Sexiness and Lust in a Silicon Valley Startup

Fine, this might get boring for a good reason! This is worth it for Bridget, and the poker machine alone, believe me! Well actually, the rest is really good too, but thats beside the point. This frigid old maid wants to play that poker set up, and I dont even gamble! This whole story has been really great, but thats a gem moment
Low end of much enjoyed

In the Beginning

OK, this isnt sexy, but its gorgeously sweet. The whole scene with Ahn, and the mirror, lovely. Seriously, please, would I love this done to me, you bet. If you like sweet, feelgood, this is for you!
Low end of much enjoyed

Incubus

This was very cleverly built, in more senses than one, including the inevitable, err, climax at the finish. Cant say much more without spoilers, but go read.
High end of definitely enjoyed

Losers Can’t Be Choosers

Oh fine, the imagine of Clarissa in a hospital bed was ironic to read yesterday, seeing thats where I spent part of the day. No, I didnt get blue jello though. Nor sadly did I get a catsuit, but fine, I loved that touch, as the author already knows. I do feel sorry for Jonah at the end, but I can see the logic of how it plays out.
Fine, Clarissa in a catsuit, the role I want, got to be low end of much enjoyed after that

Return of the Armored Warrior

Poor Erika, life is never easy as a superheroine lol. I did love the way this all plays out though, and yes, the ending is a neat touch
High end of definitely enjoyed

In truth, all 5 of these could easily have got the higher rating, so I've ended up getting a bit fussy, and picky on that point. But seriously,  a great batch for the old crock to start with this week. More tomorrow, health permitting

[CuyahogaKingKong]

Yeah there really isn't much sexy in that chapter.    Got too caught up in the sheer joyous mind-fuck that that situation would represent.  But the sexy stuff is coming, promise.

[Shadra]

Based on some of the reviews above, I went ahead and checked out Thursby Manor. What a fun, enjoyable tale. I just wish I had known about these parties when I was on the island, not that I would have been invited. I do wonder if the author is from or has been to Oahu, or if there was just a lot of careful researching. I'm always impressed by the kind of detail stories like these provide.

Will have to admit, I guessed the ending almost right away after that one twist in chapter 4. Did not diminish my enjoyment, though! All in all, a joy to read. I do have one _small issue with the story though:

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

I also took the time to check out Amnesia Service. It was a neat little story, though admittedly I think I walked away from it with a few more questions than I would have liked. The individual scenes were great, and it certainly enforces my fear of answering my door at any point. I do hope there's more to the story, because I'd like to know a bit more about what is actually going on. It's a bit too focused, I guess you could say?

And while I'm here, I've already thrown praise at Fumanchu for it privately, but I'd like to mimic what others have said about Paperback. My only regret about the story is that I was too busy trying to finish my own to have read it earlier. It has a level of cleverness and imagination, and downright creativity, that always astounds me. I'll probably say more once the story is fully released here, but it's definitely worth the read!

I want to check out Caught In A Lie, but ooph, that word count for one update. Maybe if I have time after I check out other stuff, but not likely to finish it all this week.

[fumanchu]

Thank you, Shadra.  I think what you and I have in very common is that we had these big stories we had to get out of ourselves.  I’m glad you didn’t let anything distract the writing of “Following Her  Dream.” 

[Shadra]

I still remember when In The Beginning was presented here on the forums for advice, and now that I have read the first two chapters, I rather regret not taking a look back then. While I agree with Merry that nothing really appealed to my tastes for erotic content, the story so far is still wonderfully descriptive and intriguing.

Here's hoping that she gets to show those jerks back at the village a thing or two!

And yes, by the second chapter I was hoping pretty much the same thing. If the villagers aren't made aware of her changes in some way, I might be a little disappointed. Not saying you have to change the story to include that, of course...

[CuyahogaKingKong]

I'm not going to spoil anything.  But I will note I'm a big believer in the concept of a story circle.  The final step of which is "return having changed."

Ok circles don't have steps, but you know what I mean.

On Thursby Manor, I echo all the praise.  Although I have issues with the last bit...

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

Rather a glaring oversight, as otherwise this story and the authors other two this week are all great depictions of victims of classic hypno-fetish scenarios figuring out the limits of their captivity and figuring out ways to retake control.

Still very much worth a read, and an interesting take on serial recruitment.

[Merry Brooks]

Yeah there really isn't much sexy in that chapter.    Got too caught up in the sheer joyous mind-fuck that that situation would represent.  But the sexy stuff is coming, promise.

Ah, you dont understand, I prefer a lack of sex personally, but just feel its wise to warn those that use stories just for that, this might not be their thing at present

[neverm1nd]

In the Beginning is really really great so far. What a debut! Just outstanding prose and worldbuilding. Your writing flows effortlessly, oozes intelligence and just feels really thoroughly thought out. It's worth the read just for that alone!

I don't get that much out of TF in the heat-department, but it's just as well-written. My personal taste would also like to thank you for not turning Ahn into a grotesque big-lipped tit-monster! I'm looking forward to the hopefully immenent part of the story where the MC hammer drops. If it's as good as it's been so far, I'm certain to enjoy it very much to see Ahn's painfully bright mind being controlled. Keep it up!

[CuyahogaKingKong]

In the Beginning is really really great so far. What a debut! Just outstanding prose and worldbuilding. Your writing flows effortlessly, oozes intelligence and just feels really thoroughly thought out. It's worth the read just for that alone!

I don't get that much out of TF in the heat-department, but it's just as well-written. My personal taste would also like to thank you for not turning Ahn into a grotesque big-lipped tit-monster! I'm looking forward to the hopefully immenent part of the story where the MC hammer drops. If it's as good as it's been so far, I'm certain to enjoy it very much to see Ahn's painfully bright mind being controlled. Keep it up!

It already is!  She's just not really aware yet.  Too caught up in the "OMG where am I OMG I'm so hot now!" of the moment.  I have nothing against plump limps and big tits, but for my tastes most stories with breast expansion take it way past what I find sexy.  But if I have one ironclad rule, it's "there's more than one way for a woman to be beautiful."

It's far from effortless, but I have a tedious manual retail job that leaves my brain free to work on how I want things to progress.  And I make sure to solicit notes and comments from readers around here.  If anyone wants a peek at the next chapter, a draft is up on this board in this thread

[Merry Brooks]

Part 2

Paperback

Loving this, just loving this. Love the idea of Stella as a Scandinavian girl, and all that jazz. In truth both the book sections, and the 'author' sections are very good. But fine, when that French Maid costume arrives, I'll be suspicious, but still put it on!
High end of definitely enjoyed

61 Days in River City

As entertaining, and fun as ever. Yes, I love the logic game our 2 heroines are trying to play here, even more so for the misfires. 13 days left to change the world, maybe? Who knows, but it will be a fun ride
High end of definitely enjoyed

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

This Is Just 4 U

Very cleverly done, and fine, I loved how it all ended. Whole story was superbly done, and thought through by 4 U as well. Jukebox gem
High end of definitely enjoyed

Yew and Me

Somehow I think we're in for a few twists yet in here, just a matter of who with. Definitely a chapter building to something big, who knows what, but looking forward to finding out.
High end of definitely enjoyed

More to follow

[321]

I hate when work gets in the way of more important things, like reading mind control porn on the Internet! 

Anyway, after a sad interlude spent doing work things, I finally got to read the latest chapter 61 Days in River City. i wonder what it is with heroes and rooftops? Granted, you've got a great view of your surroundings, but they make drones now, and... anyway, what a fantastic and devious turn of events we have here! I suppose it's no real surprise-

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

- but what a fun setup for future chapters! Only two weeks to go!

[Shadra]

It feels like I've read more these past few days than I ever did in all the months I spent writing my story. Perhaps this will give me the inspiration to plug the last few holes in an idea I have, but that's not the purpose of this thread, so let's just jump into it:

First up, I'd like to talk about Level Ten. What a fantastic, short chapter. Quick read, and really set the story going for the next few chapters. Loved the exchanges between brother and sister, though I do have to ask, was there a line that was cut out? Maybe I missed something, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he asked if Lisa was feeling hungry, and why she was so excited when she realized she wasn't. Even went back a ways, but if the answer is in there, it's eluding me. Regardless, quite enjoyable, and look forward to chapter two!

Lastly for today, we have Why Did Freud Abandon Hypnotism, Anyway? This is the third story by this author this week, which is quite astounding. I wonder how long they took to write all this? If it was done all in one week, color me extremely impressed. The other stories from this week were superb, and this no less so. The MC was hot, the main character was adorable, and that outburst at the end? I could practically hear it in my head! Great writing, definitely recommend anyone to read this.

I hate when work gets in the way of more important things, like reading mind control porn on the Internet! 

If you need to borrow Janet's device to show to your boss(es), I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

[CuyahogaKingKong]

It feels like I've read more these past few days than I ever did in all the months I spent writing my story. Perhaps this will give me the inspiration to plug the last few holes in an idea I have, but that's not the purpose of this thread, so let's just jump into it:

First up, I'd like to talk about Level Ten. What a fantastic, short chapter. Quick read, and really set the story going for the next few chapters. Loved the exchanges between brother and sister, though I do have to ask, was there a line that was cut out? Maybe I missed something, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he asked if Lisa was feeling hungry, and why she was so excited when she realized she wasn't. Even went back a ways, but if the answer is in there, it's eluding me. Regardless, quite enjoyable, and look forward to chapter two!

Lastly for today, we have Why Did Freud Abandon Hypnotism, Anyway? This is the third story by this author this week, which is quite astounding. I wonder how long they took to write all this? If it was done all in one week, color me extremely impressed. The other stories from this week were superb, and this no less so. The MC was hot, the main character was adorable, and that outburst at the end? I could practically hear it in my head! Great writing, definitely recommend anyone to read this.

I hate when work gets in the way of more important things, like reading mind control porn on the Internet! 

If you need to borrow Janet's device to show to your boss(es), I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

Loved Why Did Freud etc myself.  Another Nickel story where if the controller had been just a bit less of a douche he would have been so much better off... 

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

[fumanchu]

Part 2

Paperback

Loving this, just loving this. Love the idea of Stella as a Scandinavian girl, and all that jazz. In truth both the book sections, and the 'author' sections are very good. But fine, when that French Maid costume arrives, I'll be suspicious, but still put it on!
High end of definitely enjoyed

61 Days in River City

As entertaining, and fun as ever. Yes, I love the logic game our 2 heroines are trying to play here, even more so for the misfires. 13 days left to change the world, maybe? Who knows, but it will be a fun ride
High end of definitely enjoyed

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

This Is Just 4 U

Very cleverly done, and fine, I loved how it all ended. Whole story was superbly done, and thought through by 4 U as well. Jukebox gem
High end of definitely enjoyed

Yew and Me

Somehow I think we're in for a few twists yet in here, just a matter of who with. Definitely a chapter building to something big, who knows what, but looking forward to finding out.
High end of definitely enjoyed

More to follow

Merry....don’t forget the exaggerated French Accent!

[Writer345]

Part 2

Yew and Me

Somehow I think we're in for a few twists yet in here, just a matter of who with. Definitely a chapter building to something big, who knows what, but looking forward to finding out.
High end of definitely enjoyed

More to follow

Thanks for the kind words, Merry, I won't say anything much - other than this chapter worried me more than a little as nothing seems to happen and coincidentaly I stalled for three or four weeks while I was writing it.

[Merry Brooks]

Part 2

Paperback

Loving this, just loving this. Love the idea of Stella as a Scandinavian girl, and all that jazz. In truth both the book sections, and the 'author' sections are very good. But fine, when that French Maid costume arrives, I'll be suspicious, but still put it on!
High end of definitely enjoyed

61 Days in River City

As entertaining, and fun as ever. Yes, I love the logic game our 2 heroines are trying to play here, even more so for the misfires. 13 days left to change the world, maybe? Who knows, but it will be a fun ride
High end of definitely enjoyed

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

This Is Just 4 U

Very cleverly done, and fine, I loved how it all ended. Whole story was superbly done, and thought through by 4 U as well. Jukebox gem
High end of definitely enjoyed

Yew and Me

Somehow I think we're in for a few twists yet in here, just a matter of who with. Definitely a chapter building to something big, who knows what, but looking forward to finding out.
High end of definitely enjoyed

More to follow

Merry....don’t forget the exaggerated French Accent!

I've done it before when acting in roles, so "Pas De Probleme, Monsieur". But in truth, I assumed the French Maid costume would make it impossible for me to talk in any other way?

Part 2

Yew and Me

Somehow I think we're in for a few twists yet in here, just a matter of who with. Definitely a chapter building to something big, who knows what, but looking forward to finding out.
High end of definitely enjoyed

More to follow

Thanks for the kind words, Merry, I won't say anything much - other than this chapter worried me more than a little as nothing seems to happen and coincidentaly I stalled for three or four weeks while I was writing it.

As long as it develops the storyline, its fine, and I'm sure it will do so. Its only if it now grinds to a halt that it can be a problem.